I'm learning to have fun again.

The past two weeks I've spent in a very small town of western Minnesota.  We are here visiting my husband while he is on temporary job assignment. A one bedroom apartment and a two year old makes for very long days.

Enter mom guilt here.

Very long days? No mother should be uttering such words. I should be embracing these two weeks with my child, right?  We have two weeks away from all distractions. No play dates.  No errands to run.  No appointments.  No responsibilities.  Only thing on the agenda all day everyday is to love this little one and play, play, play.  I should be grateful.

Why then is it so hard to spend the entire day playing?

As an adult we are so tied down to our responsibilities and obligations we've taken some of the fun out of everyday.  Maybe even all the fun! I'm a planner and live by my lists.  If I want to have fun I literally have to pencil it in.  And then it starts to feel like its a job as well.  "Must spend evening reading book everyone else has been raving about."  Check.

At what point in our lives did we lose ourselves in all the other stuff?

Everytime Anna and I get out the giant jug of bubbles we always end up making a mess.  She is at the point of independence where she wants to dunk the blow stick and blow her own bubbles.  What is my first response?  ICK!  And I go running for a baby wipe.  And then I want to take over the bubble blowing because its much cleaner if I do it.  When did the mess become more of a priority than the fun?

I'm in awe of my child as her entire face lights up over a swing at the park.  Its a gorgeous day outside.  And I have to remind myself to soak up this moment.  As I push her she squeals "weee!"  And I am thinking "ok what's next, its getting hot out here.  Did we put on enough sunblock? (among other thoughts swirling around in my head)" I wish I would just embrace this happy moment instead of constantly reminding myself slow down.  Reminding myself to be thankful for all things big and small.

Reminding myself just to sit and be still.

At the end of this summer if you ask me what one word summed it up I would say "bubbles"  or "swing".  Those two words are yelled out with glee at least once a day at our house. I'm learning to bite my lip when we are covered in soapy bubbles or when Anna has buried herself in dirt from our backyard.   She is just being a two year old.  She is enjoying the moment of discovery and new adventures.  And more importantly I'm outside savoring these moments with her.

And hey,  you know what... I'm actually starting to have some fun!

MOMMY MONDAYS | why my apple pie will never look like anyone elses

The requirements for super mom is a trailing list that can probably wrap around the entire planet at least once.  With a world overloaded in social media, pinning, text messages, and online blogging a mom can get overwhelmed with keeping up with the supermom mom down the street.

I am continually having anxiety attacks about being "mom enough".  The perfectionist in me says I can always be doing LIFE a little better.  The exhausted part of me says no you CANNOT.

The mom down the street probably made a well balanced breakfast from scratch and crafted it in such a way that the pancakes or eggs smiled back at the child eating it.  The meal is completely balanced with nutrition and vitamins and her kids probably eat the entire plate without complaints. She probably woke up before the rooster crowed and had her work out done, shower finished, hair done and dressed (and I mean dressed not in yoga pants but real clothes!)  The mom down the street welcolmed her children in the morning with a big smile and a good morning (probably in a sing song voice) while opening up the curtains and thought "what a beautiful day!".  She got everyone ready for school on time (partly because she laid out their clothes the night before) and was also room mom for the day.  She also managed to finish all the laundry, run every errand on her list, vacuum, take the dog for a walk, and pay the bills before her husband arrived home from work.  Oh, and dinner was already in the oven when he walked in.  And it was probably something from scratch. It was more than likely a new recipe that she will blog about later because it was that delicious. There was a craft ready for the children when they got home from school.  And she makes a conscious effort to sit with them and talk with them about their day. Everyone pitched in and cleaned up the mess from dinner. Every child said their prayers and said please and thank you and went to bed without resistance because you know... she has been working on consistent parenting and discpline since they were born. 

The rest of us are slapped in the face daily with the super mom mentality.  I for one am realizing and trying desperately to remember that I am not supermom.  I am learning two things:

I am finding balance.
I have decided to be ok with not being supermom.

We have to remember that even though there are 24 hours in the day we need at least 6 for sleep.  (I need at least 8 although rarely achieve that goal.)  I for one am learning that it is ok that I don't make the most adorable holiday crafts with my toddler every week or perfect gourmet meals.  If I can remember there is a holiday coming up than "Yay! Go me!" My dog might not get walked every single day or we may be five minutes late to toddler play group.  I pick and choose what I can get done on my to do list.  The entire list will never get finished.  I'm learning to accept that and not lay away at night thinking about the rest of the items still haunting me on that list. I'm also learning to say no to things and people that will overload and exhaust me. I'm saying no to extra playdates, family events, volunteering and above all I'm saying no to excess amounts of facebook, pinterest, and all those other sites that are brainwashing me into thinking I'm not living up to expectations.  Lets face it. We will never finish all the items we have pinned on our beautiful dream boards.

I'm learning my apple pie will never look like anyone else's. 

My life will never look like my collage on Pinterest. I may own an apron, but I make apple pies with frozen pie crust.  I don't make time for a lattice crust because I'd rather get it in the oven so we can eat it...

Immediately! 

With ice cream! 

We might even eat it way too close to dinner time and spoil our appetites.

 I let my toddler help even though my floor will be covered with flour.  I hate messes but instead of barking and scolding I take a deep breath. 

I keep breathing. 

I try to remember this day when we made our first apple pie together as a milestone event.  I WILL write this down in her baby journal later when she naps. And that will get added as top priority to my to do list (which means something just got shoved off the list completely). She is getting big and way too fast.  I let her press out the dough and stir in the cinnamon.  I take time to relish how beautiful she is and how tall she is getting. She can reach a lot more things on the counter now so I have to push a few things out of the way ... like the knife we used to cut the apples.  I'm in awe at how much pleasure she is getting from helping me with these simple tasks.  She is so proud of herself as we scoop the cinnamon apples onto the pie plate.

I'm learning to love simple joy and thankful she is my teacher.

I will try and mentally capture this moment for the rest of my life.  My house is a mess.  We skipped toddler play group this morning because I couldn't get out of bed early enough.  Its the middle of the afternoon and we are still in our pajamas. My dog still wants to go for a walk and I have no idea what we are having for dinner. BUT we just made pie together.  And it was a beautiful moment full of laughter and fun.  It was the best part of my day.

{read of the week} Simplify Your Life: How to Declutter & Destress Your Way to Happiness

My read of the week is turning into read of the month!  I miss getting an entire book finished in one week.  Not I'm feeling accomplished if I get a chapter finished.  I've had this quick read on my Amazon wish list forever.  I saw that it was on the free list for Prime members this month so I snatched it up and made time to read it.

Simple Living : thirty days to less stuff and more life by Lorilee Lippincott



A fun read that only takes a minute or two per chapter.  Se sets up a goal with each chapter that is easily obtainable.  This is for the organizer that needs help knowing where to start first.  Most of the tasks took me 20 minutes top to complete.  She has you doing things such as "clean off all horizontal surfaces" or "take trash out of car, vacuum, and wipe down"  and other things I never spend time on such as "deleting and canceling spam emails".  I must say I do have a few tasks still ahead of me.  I need to clean out our filing cabinet and the office has become a junk room.  These are top priority this week for me.

What is everyone else doing to declutter?  I'm hoping to do a garage sale first of August.  Here's to a stress free home!