I'm learning to have fun again.

The past two weeks I've spent in a very small town of western Minnesota.  We are here visiting my husband while he is on temporary job assignment. A one bedroom apartment and a two year old makes for very long days.

Enter mom guilt here.

Very long days? No mother should be uttering such words. I should be embracing these two weeks with my child, right?  We have two weeks away from all distractions. No play dates.  No errands to run.  No appointments.  No responsibilities.  Only thing on the agenda all day everyday is to love this little one and play, play, play.  I should be grateful.

Why then is it so hard to spend the entire day playing?

As an adult we are so tied down to our responsibilities and obligations we've taken some of the fun out of everyday.  Maybe even all the fun! I'm a planner and live by my lists.  If I want to have fun I literally have to pencil it in.  And then it starts to feel like its a job as well.  "Must spend evening reading book everyone else has been raving about."  Check.

At what point in our lives did we lose ourselves in all the other stuff?

Everytime Anna and I get out the giant jug of bubbles we always end up making a mess.  She is at the point of independence where she wants to dunk the blow stick and blow her own bubbles.  What is my first response?  ICK!  And I go running for a baby wipe.  And then I want to take over the bubble blowing because its much cleaner if I do it.  When did the mess become more of a priority than the fun?

I'm in awe of my child as her entire face lights up over a swing at the park.  Its a gorgeous day outside.  And I have to remind myself to soak up this moment.  As I push her she squeals "weee!"  And I am thinking "ok what's next, its getting hot out here.  Did we put on enough sunblock? (among other thoughts swirling around in my head)" I wish I would just embrace this happy moment instead of constantly reminding myself slow down.  Reminding myself to be thankful for all things big and small.

Reminding myself just to sit and be still.

At the end of this summer if you ask me what one word summed it up I would say "bubbles"  or "swing".  Those two words are yelled out with glee at least once a day at our house. I'm learning to bite my lip when we are covered in soapy bubbles or when Anna has buried herself in dirt from our backyard.   She is just being a two year old.  She is enjoying the moment of discovery and new adventures.  And more importantly I'm outside savoring these moments with her.

And hey,  you know what... I'm actually starting to have some fun!

MOMMY MONDAYS | why my apple pie will never look like anyone elses

The requirements for super mom is a trailing list that can probably wrap around the entire planet at least once.  With a world overloaded in social media, pinning, text messages, and online blogging a mom can get overwhelmed with keeping up with the supermom mom down the street.

I am continually having anxiety attacks about being "mom enough".  The perfectionist in me says I can always be doing LIFE a little better.  The exhausted part of me says no you CANNOT.

The mom down the street probably made a well balanced breakfast from scratch and crafted it in such a way that the pancakes or eggs smiled back at the child eating it.  The meal is completely balanced with nutrition and vitamins and her kids probably eat the entire plate without complaints. She probably woke up before the rooster crowed and had her work out done, shower finished, hair done and dressed (and I mean dressed not in yoga pants but real clothes!)  The mom down the street welcolmed her children in the morning with a big smile and a good morning (probably in a sing song voice) while opening up the curtains and thought "what a beautiful day!".  She got everyone ready for school on time (partly because she laid out their clothes the night before) and was also room mom for the day.  She also managed to finish all the laundry, run every errand on her list, vacuum, take the dog for a walk, and pay the bills before her husband arrived home from work.  Oh, and dinner was already in the oven when he walked in.  And it was probably something from scratch. It was more than likely a new recipe that she will blog about later because it was that delicious. There was a craft ready for the children when they got home from school.  And she makes a conscious effort to sit with them and talk with them about their day. Everyone pitched in and cleaned up the mess from dinner. Every child said their prayers and said please and thank you and went to bed without resistance because you know... she has been working on consistent parenting and discpline since they were born. 

The rest of us are slapped in the face daily with the super mom mentality.  I for one am realizing and trying desperately to remember that I am not supermom.  I am learning two things:

I am finding balance.
I have decided to be ok with not being supermom.

We have to remember that even though there are 24 hours in the day we need at least 6 for sleep.  (I need at least 8 although rarely achieve that goal.)  I for one am learning that it is ok that I don't make the most adorable holiday crafts with my toddler every week or perfect gourmet meals.  If I can remember there is a holiday coming up than "Yay! Go me!" My dog might not get walked every single day or we may be five minutes late to toddler play group.  I pick and choose what I can get done on my to do list.  The entire list will never get finished.  I'm learning to accept that and not lay away at night thinking about the rest of the items still haunting me on that list. I'm also learning to say no to things and people that will overload and exhaust me. I'm saying no to extra playdates, family events, volunteering and above all I'm saying no to excess amounts of facebook, pinterest, and all those other sites that are brainwashing me into thinking I'm not living up to expectations.  Lets face it. We will never finish all the items we have pinned on our beautiful dream boards.

I'm learning my apple pie will never look like anyone else's. 

My life will never look like my collage on Pinterest. I may own an apron, but I make apple pies with frozen pie crust.  I don't make time for a lattice crust because I'd rather get it in the oven so we can eat it...

Immediately! 

With ice cream! 

We might even eat it way too close to dinner time and spoil our appetites.

 I let my toddler help even though my floor will be covered with flour.  I hate messes but instead of barking and scolding I take a deep breath. 

I keep breathing. 

I try to remember this day when we made our first apple pie together as a milestone event.  I WILL write this down in her baby journal later when she naps. And that will get added as top priority to my to do list (which means something just got shoved off the list completely). She is getting big and way too fast.  I let her press out the dough and stir in the cinnamon.  I take time to relish how beautiful she is and how tall she is getting. She can reach a lot more things on the counter now so I have to push a few things out of the way ... like the knife we used to cut the apples.  I'm in awe at how much pleasure she is getting from helping me with these simple tasks.  She is so proud of herself as we scoop the cinnamon apples onto the pie plate.

I'm learning to love simple joy and thankful she is my teacher.

I will try and mentally capture this moment for the rest of my life.  My house is a mess.  We skipped toddler play group this morning because I couldn't get out of bed early enough.  Its the middle of the afternoon and we are still in our pajamas. My dog still wants to go for a walk and I have no idea what we are having for dinner. BUT we just made pie together.  And it was a beautiful moment full of laughter and fun.  It was the best part of my day.

{mommy mondays} juggling it all during the holidays

I caught myself having anxiety the other day.  It wasn't even 9am but I took a look around and there was clutter everywhere, laundry that needed to be folded, dishes that needed to be washed, and piles of mail.  Not to mention all the other things that comes with this time of the year - gifts to be shopped for (I'm not even to the wrapping yet), cards to be addressed, cookies to be made.

Then I look back to my toddler and she is telling me she is done eating breakfast.  How is she telling me?  She is throwing strawberries all over the floor.  Another mess.

*sigh*

I'm working on my patience.  I'm trying to remember to step back and appreciate the beauty of the clutter.  And then I think this isn't working! and attempt to pull my hair out.

Plan B.

I turned on some christian worship music and got out the sweeper.  As soon as that music turned on my little girl started to dance.  I love the way music just takes over her.  No sense of dance style yet but boy can she move.  my cup runneth over


VID_20131210_125730_131.mp4 from Lauren 'Dougherty' Shanks on Vimeo.


God is amazing.  I'll say it over and over again.  Be still my soul and listen.  He continually reminds me my to do list is just a list.  This little girl needs me most.  I can almost hear him tell me to put down the sweeper and just enjoy her.

So I did.  And we had a little dance party at 9:15 in the morning.

{mommy mondays} embracing the chaos

My reason behind slow blog posts.  Bare with me in our transition and moving.

--

These days have become busier than ever I do believe.  Every stage of babyhood comes with their own challenges, struggles, and happy moments.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  At 3 months you think "oh it'll be so much fun when they can get up and move".  And then 12 months later they are up RUNNING and you think "oh my, I wish she would just sit still for a minute."  And "wait, now where did she go again?!"

I've been through countless moves.  Packing and unpacking have become a no brainer activity for me.  I know what to pack and what to unpack first.  I know how to pack and label.  Oh, and I even started saving all my boxes and bubble wrap because we move so often (that stuff gets expensive!). I have it down to a science.  It takes me about a week to unpack.  And possibly another week to rearrange and tweak my organization.  Piece of cake. 

Cue toddler.

I love this little girl to pieces, but she definitely throws a giant wrench (ok more like stuff animal, my cell phone, the remote control, lightbulb... wait lightbulb?  Maybe I should put that up somewhere higher.  Where did she even get that in the first place?!) into my moving process.  I can't help but laugh at her trying to help me.  My little shadow sees me getting things out of boxes and putting clothes on hanger.  She wants to do just like mommy. However, her ideal of helping is THROWING everything out of the box and spreading hangers out all over the floor.  And then as soon as thats done she is completely over it and on to the next room.  You know how it is, toddlers attention span is about 2 seconds.  So then I'm off to the next room too because a toddler out of sight is usually a toddler getting into trouble.  Especially in a house full of boxes and inadequate baby proofing (its a work in progress).

Time to initiate breathing techniques and patience. My crazy organization and mild case of OCD is being surpressed (with the help of some yoga breathing techniques of course).  I will NOT let the chaos and the mess get to me.  I will not pull my hair out looking at all the unpacked boxes and break down in a huge anxiety attack.  I will remember this is our LAST move for a very long time and I have amples amount of time to get this finished.  I will remember to hug this little girl and kiss her sweet little cheeks.  I'll make time to for cuddles.  I will make time for laughter.  I will make time for what matters most in life.

In a nutshell, my life has slowed down at sixteensunbuckles for the moment.  But my life has definitely sped up kissing sweet baby cheeks and running after tiny feet.

{mommy mondays} & rockstar mom of the month // A Girl and Her Bowtique // GIVEAWAY

A big thank you to all of my faithful readers.  I have not forgotten you as I've gotten settled in to a new time zone and house.  Currently living with the inlaws while we close on our house and I could not be any happier.

I'd love for you all to be as excited as I am so I've partnered with A Girl and Her Bowtique for a GIVEAWAY.  Jen just launched her beautiful little shop on Etsy and I couldn't be more thrilled for her.  Little girl whimsical for fashionable playdates or just pretend around the house.  Jen carries a full line of hair accessories, tutus and has even started home decor.

A note from Jen.

Everything made at A Girl and Her Bowtique are inspirations from everyday life with our 13 month old daughter.  We are currently selling a variety of handmade headbands, tutus, and personalized wooden baby and wedding blocks.  

I am very fortunate to be a stay at home mom and wife to our amazing daughter and my loving husband.  I have always loved dabbling in little arts and crafts here and there.  When our daughter was first born, I made a few headbands for her, and had instant positive feedback.  I thought about it for a while, and tried to figure out how I was going to balance raising our daughter, house cleaning, errands, make time for my husband, having some mommy me time, AND after all that start a small business Etsy shop.  Everyone tells you that being a stay at home mom is a real job; I’m living it and yes it is.  How do I do it all?  Time management and lots of calendar alerts in my iPhone to say the least!

I have made a promise to myself that A Girl and Her Bowtique will be fun!  It will be a “job”, a hobby, something I enjoy, and something that I should never feel overwhelmed or annoyed to own and operate.  I also promised myself that this shop will never take me away from time I spend with my daughter.  If that means, staying up late to fulfill an order or making a tutu for a client during my daughter’s naptime, I will do it.  So far my balancing act is working out great!

I would love to take all the credit for A Girl and Her Bowtique, but it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t recognize that my husband is the muscle behind the personalized wooden blocks.    

The most fun and exciting thing about A Girl and Her Bowtique is that it will evolve just as our daughter grows.  I hope you love our little Etsy shop as much as I do!  And if you have any comments, questions, or suggestions about our merchandise, please ask!

--------- GIVEAWAY includes 3 Winners.  1 Winner will win a headband, 1 will win a set of blocks and 1 will win a tutu.  All orders will be customizable.  Please enter below.  Winners will be drawn at the end of the week.   Enter and Share! 



a Rafflecopter giveaway

{mommy mondays} picking strawberries with Anna

My friend Alanna asked us to go pick strawberries last week.  I haven't done that since I was little (or have I? maybe its peaches I'm thinking of?)  In my head I saw this glorious hallmark moment with Anna.  You know, the big "life lesson" storybook moment that has been instilled into you from Pinterest, instagram, other bloggers, and professional mommies.  It would be a perfect sunny day.  She'd help pick strawberries.  We'd sit and eat a few.  Laugh.  You get the idea.

I should have known better. There were a lot of thorns.  It was chilly (and we weren't prepared for the weather)  and all Anna wanted to do was throw the picked strawberries out of the bucket.  Thank goodness Emily came along and helped us with all four children.  At the rate I was going I would have never filled my bucket.  I pick two.  Anna throws out one.  You get the idea.

But, we got these adorable pictures of Anna.  It does look like she is having fun and that is all that matters right?  So, it was worth the trip.  And we will probably go and pick raspberries next time. ( I may be better prepared with shoes, pants, and my moby wrap to carry Anna though!)

Now ... time to make JAM!

what i've learned my first year as a new mom // all the things the baby books don't tell you

One year in to being a mother.  I read every book I could before Anna was born.  
Here's a few things the books didn't tell me. 

Breastfeeding is hard.  Really hard.  One of the hardest things I've ever done.

Colic is so much worse than just a fussy baby.

If your baby has colic its ok to wear headphones while she cries and you comfort her for hours on end. 
You are not a bad parent for trying to keep your sanity.

Everyone will give you an opinion on how you parent, how you should parent, why aren't you parenting a certain way, whats wrong with your parenting, etc.

You'll have as many clothing changes and your baby.

Your baby will probably fall off the bed, a changing pad table, down a step or two once, or a chair.  She'll probably get a bruise, bump on her head, or pinch her finger in a cabinet. Accidents happen.

You'll slice your finger open at least twice cutting baby food into teeny tiny pieces.

You'll get poop on your face.

Everyone tells you when they sleep you should sleep too.  Which is definitely true unless you have no clean clothes to wear.  Then maybe you should do laundry.

Your dog will act out because of  "single child syndrome" 

and probably start causing trouble at doggie day care.

Sleep deprivation is so much worse in person than just written down in a book.

The first time you hear her laugh is the biggest feeling in the world.

When she tells you a joke you don't understand but you both crack up because she is too cute.  

It will be the funniest joke you've EVER heard anyway.

You might not have that "unconditional love" feeling right from the start.  

Hormones can do crazy things to the body.

Postpartum anxiety is a real thing.

Random people will come up to you and give you advice or comment on your baby's growth/health.

Random people will come up to you and touch your baby without asking.

Random people will say your baby looks like a boy even if she is in hot pink from head to toe.

Your boobs will get big and beautiful but they are not pretty.  

They are for one thing only and its to produce milk.

Buy toys with a volume button.  Then turn the volume on low and leave it there forever.

You'll be folding a lot of tiny clothes. 
Tiny socks are the cutest but they get swallowed up in the large clothes. 
You'll constantly be searching for the match.

Sign up for a strollercise class.  It gets you out of the house with baby and
you burn a few calories while you are at it.

You'll never leave the house again without 20 pounds of stuff in your arms. The "just in case" stuff.

It'll take you an hour to get ready and into the car for a 20 minute shopping trip.

You'll probably have a baby girl and she'll refuse to wear hair bows or anything in her hair.

You'll have so much more laundry every week.  Especially if you use cloth diapers.

You'll probably get pooped on out in public.  That will be the day you don't bring a change of clothes.

Always bring a change of clothes for baby AND yourself.

You'll find cheerios everywhere.

Other moms with babies will become your new best friends.

Take at least 5 minutes for yourself everyday to renew your soul.

Breathing techniques help.  Yoga has done wonders for me.

Picking out a stroller, carseat, bottles, formula, pacifiers, etc. is like picking out a needle from a haystack.  There are too many bells and whistles on everything this day in age.  

Shopping for a newborn is overwhelming.

Every baby is different.  Every mom knows best for their own baby.  

But they don't know whats best for YOUR baby. 

{mommy mondays} and hiding vegetables in everything and anything

I'm still on the hunt for ways Anna will accept vegetables.  The stars aligned last week and she ate carrots and peas.  That was only one time though.  I tried them again the next day and we had insta/spitting.  I know you are supposed to keep trying and I will.  But for now, this is what's working.

Any other recommendations?

{baby spoons by Munchkin / photos by sixteen sunbuckles}

Munchkin 6 Pack Soft-Tip Infant Spoon, Colors May Vary

my little lady on {film} // the "i'm not eating what's on my plate" tantrum

VID_20130522_175052_843.mp4 from Lauren 'Dougherty' Shanks on Vimeo.

{mommy mondays} clap your hands // Target commercial

This brings a smile to my face everytime I see it.  Thank you Target.

{mommy mondays} cancer and the ongoing battle we face

Angelina Jolie recently made news for  "a preventive double mastectomy after learning she carries a mutation of the BRCA1 gene, which sharply increases her risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer." (CNN)  She doesn't have cancer yet but her risk is so high she is taking preventative measures in hopes she'll be able to stop cancer before it starts.  I'm sure she has her babies in mind.

This got me thinking about my own baby. After you become a mother your own health is so much more important to you.  You want to live long enough to see your grandbabies and great grandbabies.  I'd also like to be able to run around with them and play on the floor when I'm 85.



Heather emailed last week and shared with me her beautiful video and story. She is a mesothlioma survivor.

I am 44 and a mother to a quirky little 7 year old, Lily. She is my only child, and my whole world. When Lily was just 3 1/2 months old, I was diagnosed with mesothelioma; a type of cancer that kills most people within 2 years. As I’m sure you can imagine, the first thing that came to mind when I was diagnosed was my baby girl and how I wasn’t going to be able to watch her grow up. After intense treatment and recovery, I’m still here 7 years later and cancer free! My journey with cancer was a terrifying one and I'd like to turn my pain into purpose and become someone that other people can look to for guidance, inspiration, and hope in situations like my own. My husband and I recently participated in a short video about my experience with cancer and I contacted you because I feel that your blog would be an excellent place to share. I’m hoping to use this video as a tool to raise awareness of this horrible little known cancer that is such a deadly killer (and sadly, 100% preventable). 

mesothelioma . Heather Von St. James

Continue your prayers for everyone battling cancer, those who have fought and won, and for the families of those who have lost their fight to this horrible illness.

{Mommy Mondays} for the days you may never come up for air

For the days we are running on empty. For the days we just don't think we have it in us to read one more story, play change one more poopy diaper, wash one more round of laundry. For the days when we think everyone else has it together. For the days we're sure anyone else would do this job better.  

For the days we just cannot live up to lady in Proverbs 31.

For those days. You know the ones.

Repeat after me:

1. I shall not judge my house, my kid's summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest's standards.

2. I shall not measure what I've accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I've tickled into my kids.

3. I shall say yes to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we're building.

4. I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they're already in their pajamas.

5. I shall not compare myself to other mothers but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.

6. I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.

7. I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.

8. I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.

9. I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.

10. I shall promise to love this body that bore these three children out loud, especially in front of my daughter.

11. I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.

12. I shall do my best to admit to my people my unfine moments.

13. I shall say sorry when sorry is necessary.

14. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children's forgiveness.

15. I shall make space in my grown-up world for goofball moments with my kids.

16. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.

17. I shall model kind words to kids and grown-ups alike.

18. I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.

19. I shall always make time to encourage new moms.

20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they'll all be in college.

... with love from one tired mother to another.


{written by Lisa-Jo Baker}