ROCKSTAR MOM | seven ways to balance your own identity and motherhood

I'm so excited to have Jessica writing on the blog today.  Like me she decided to stay at home with your kids.  She is an amazing mama of one sweet little boy and runs her own ETSY shop, Eastwood Eclectic. Jessica is offering 15% off through the month of May so check out her shop.  Her printable party decorations are a favorite of mine. Use BLOGLOVE15 at checkout.

Ls

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Whether we work outside the home and feel like we miss out on time with our kids, stay at home with the kids but feel like we don’t contribute enough to society, or try to juggle working from home and simultaneously caring for children, there’s always the mom guilt, isn’t there? Who’s with me?

Why do we do that to ourselves? Worse, why do we judge our friends and acquaintances who may be doing the “mom thing” a little differently? Whether you have one child or five, you know that being a mom is the toughest (and most wonderful and rewarding) job there is. I am such a firm believer in each mother doing what’s best for her (and her family) when it comes to balancing life, and I think that you, your spouse, and God are the only ones who deserve a say in those choices.

Then it became real when we found out we were pregnant in my fifth year of teaching, and we needed to make a decision if I would continue working or stay home. I won’t get into how we made it, the financial discussions, or all the pros and cons we weighed; I’ll just say that it was the right choice for us, and I can’t imagine anything different now.

Every woman’s life changes drastically when she becomes a mother, but I think that a stay-at-home mom who was previously career-oriented experiences a significant “culture shock.”

I did, anyway. I went from teaching (and talking to and caring about) over 100 teenagers each day to staying at home with one little baby. My days looked so different — there was less running around, being on my feet for 8 hours, always planning and grading, bringing work home each evening, and just general volume (both literal and figurative). But it wasn’t that being a mom was easier. It was just different. It was harder, definitely more emotional, in many ways, especially since my son had some health issues that added stress and worry in the early months. Despite the importance of the job, though, I was working for only one, tiny little person, and I found myself struggling with that question above,

 Do I do enough?

Gradually, after the initial days of new motherhood that are a blissful and beautiful but sleepless and anxiety-ridden blur, I began to do other things besides “be mommy.” That is still my favorite and most-important job, but I’ve realized it’s good to have some additional priorities. My son just turned two and is the light of my life! Part of why I feel I need to stay at home with him is my own wiring — I have cherished being able to witness each moment of his baby and toddlerhood and can’t imagine my anxiety and disappointment if I were not privy to every “first,” every illness, every new experience, etc. At the same time, I eventually realized that I would lose some of myself if I were focused only on him (and any additional children we may be blessed with). 

I strongly believe in every mom doing what’s best for herself and her family; our families work differently, so I’m just offering ideas that have worked for me :)

1.     DO SOMETHING, EVEN JUST ONE THING, THAT IS JUST FOR YOU.

For me, this was opening my Etsy shop (Eastwood Eclectic). I didn’t plan on it, but I designed invitations for my son’t first birthday party a little over a year ago, and I loved it! Still, I don’t have a degree in graphic design (or any type of art or design), but I decided to go for it! It has been a great way to do something I enjoy, make a little extra money, feel like I’m using my other, non-mommy skills.

2. CONTINUE TO DO THINGS THAT ARE EITHER RELATED TO YOUR CAREER/EDUCATION OR THAT ARE RELATED TO A JOB YOU MAY WANT TO HAVE SOME DAY.

It might be taking classes (towards a degree or just for fun), keeping up with your field through professional development, or learning something entirely new! For me, the design work has fit into this category, even though it’s a different direction than my education and early career. I like it so much that I hope to continue to develop my skills and expand my shop. Also, I’m going to make sure to keep my teacher’s license up to date (must remember to renew that this summer!), so that I don’t close that door. You never know what you’ll want (or need) to do in the future.

3. SPEND A LITTLE BIT OF TIME AWAY FROM THE KID(S) EACH WEEK. AND IF YOU LIVE NEAR FAMILY, USE THEM!

I’m very blessed here. My in-laws live ten minutes away, and Jacob spends the day with Grandma each Wednesday. Although my mother-in-law was always helpful and willing to watch him from the start, we didn’t make this a weekly thing until sometime late in his first year. When we did, I wondered why I hadn’t done that sooner! If you are lucky enough to have family nearby who are willing and able to watch (and love!) your child(ren), please please take advantage of it. It’s so freeing to have a few hours each week to clean the house in peace, get errands done, and make doctor’s appointments without having to first set up a babysitter. He adores those days, too. My parents are amazing with Jacob as well, and I wish that we lived closer than two hours apart. They are so helpful in keeping him for a few hours or even overnight whenever we visit, so that we are able to have a date night or a night out with friends. These times are so important, and I’m thankful for our families.

4. DO SOMETHING FOR OTHERS (OUTSIDE YOUR FAMILY).

I mentor a kindergarten girl at our local elementary school an hour each week, as a part of the national mentoring program Kids Hope USA.  I have to admit that while this was the perfect volunteer opportunity for this former-teacher, I was hesitant to say “yes.” It was daunting to think about adding this to my plate with a one-year-old, the desire for more children, the Etsy shop, a husband who was finishing his MBA and working crazy hours, etc. But there will always be excuses. Always reasons to say “no.” Say “yes” to some kind of volunteer work, and you will be blessed and rewarded more than you would have imagined!

4. USE PLANNING TOOLS TO HELP KEEP HOUSEHOLD TASKS MANAGEABLE.

I’m a list person. I’m “old school,” with my pencil and planner always nearby.This may or may not be true for you, but I’m sure there are some organizational tools, whether high or low tech, that are helpful for you! One new one that has been awesome for our family is a weekly “menu” board.  I designed this little chalkboard printable, printed and framed it, and bought a couple of chalkboard markers to write directly on the glass. It’s amazing! It helps me make a more efficient grocery list, ensure that we eat a variety of foods and are eating well balanced.

5. FIND OTHER MOMS TO SOCIALIZE WITH.

Even if you talk to your childless best friend or your mom on the phone every day, or if you have a small group at church, or whatever, I’ve found that it’s really great to have play dates with other moms and their kids. This allows for social time for both you and your child, and moms in a similar situation are great for discussing all that baby and kid stuff on your mind! The kids form great bonds with their play date buddies and build social skills, like sharing, and you get to enjoy seeing them in action while chatting about when to introduce a new food, the latest baby product recall, etc. These other moms will quickly become your confidants and close friends, too. Where do you meet said moms? Try library story time, music or little gymclasses, or the park down the street — be open to forming new relationships whenever you see another mom-child pair who enjoy the same things as you and your child.

6. DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE.

Have date nights. If you can go out to dinner while family or friends enjoy special time with your child, great! If you need to have at-home date nights after the kids are in bed, that works, too. Just make fun and relaxing time with your spouse a priority. Make real conversation (preferably not about the kids) a priority! We try to go out for an evening about once a month, and we also try to sit down and have a conversation (without the TV or other distractions) at least a couple of nights a week after Jacob is asleep. And I cherish those moments.

7. REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE HAS WEAKNESSES AND NO ONE CAN TRULY DO IT ALL!

It’s a no-brainer, really, but remember that mom guilt? Don’t let it tell you that you should always be balanced, or that you should be able to do everything (and do it all well)! We have to recognize our own limitations and work around them. The menu board is a good example for me; I’m not a bad cook, but I’m not exactly a chef, and cooking dinner is not my favorite thing to do. Thus, it often becomes a low priority and might otherwise be forgotten. The menu board helps me remember that I need to have a meal plan (my family has to eat, after all), and it also makes it more manageable, so I have time to focus on my strengths. We all have natural inclinations, and we should allow ourselves to accept the things we’re not-so-amazing at right along with areas where we know we shine  :)

HOT OFF THE PRESS | glittery black and white bridal shower invitations

custom client: Emily Zaleski

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MOMMY MONDAYS | why my apple pie will never look like anyone elses

The requirements for super mom is a trailing list that can probably wrap around the entire planet at least once.  With a world overloaded in social media, pinning, text messages, and online blogging a mom can get overwhelmed with keeping up with the supermom mom down the street.

I am continually having anxiety attacks about being "mom enough".  The perfectionist in me says I can always be doing LIFE a little better.  The exhausted part of me says no you CANNOT.

The mom down the street probably made a well balanced breakfast from scratch and crafted it in such a way that the pancakes or eggs smiled back at the child eating it.  The meal is completely balanced with nutrition and vitamins and her kids probably eat the entire plate without complaints. She probably woke up before the rooster crowed and had her work out done, shower finished, hair done and dressed (and I mean dressed not in yoga pants but real clothes!)  The mom down the street welcolmed her children in the morning with a big smile and a good morning (probably in a sing song voice) while opening up the curtains and thought "what a beautiful day!".  She got everyone ready for school on time (partly because she laid out their clothes the night before) and was also room mom for the day.  She also managed to finish all the laundry, run every errand on her list, vacuum, take the dog for a walk, and pay the bills before her husband arrived home from work.  Oh, and dinner was already in the oven when he walked in.  And it was probably something from scratch. It was more than likely a new recipe that she will blog about later because it was that delicious. There was a craft ready for the children when they got home from school.  And she makes a conscious effort to sit with them and talk with them about their day. Everyone pitched in and cleaned up the mess from dinner. Every child said their prayers and said please and thank you and went to bed without resistance because you know... she has been working on consistent parenting and discpline since they were born. 

The rest of us are slapped in the face daily with the super mom mentality.  I for one am realizing and trying desperately to remember that I am not supermom.  I am learning two things:

I am finding balance.
I have decided to be ok with not being supermom.

We have to remember that even though there are 24 hours in the day we need at least 6 for sleep.  (I need at least 8 although rarely achieve that goal.)  I for one am learning that it is ok that I don't make the most adorable holiday crafts with my toddler every week or perfect gourmet meals.  If I can remember there is a holiday coming up than "Yay! Go me!" My dog might not get walked every single day or we may be five minutes late to toddler play group.  I pick and choose what I can get done on my to do list.  The entire list will never get finished.  I'm learning to accept that and not lay away at night thinking about the rest of the items still haunting me on that list. I'm also learning to say no to things and people that will overload and exhaust me. I'm saying no to extra playdates, family events, volunteering and above all I'm saying no to excess amounts of facebook, pinterest, and all those other sites that are brainwashing me into thinking I'm not living up to expectations.  Lets face it. We will never finish all the items we have pinned on our beautiful dream boards.

I'm learning my apple pie will never look like anyone else's. 

My life will never look like my collage on Pinterest. I may own an apron, but I make apple pies with frozen pie crust.  I don't make time for a lattice crust because I'd rather get it in the oven so we can eat it...

Immediately! 

With ice cream! 

We might even eat it way too close to dinner time and spoil our appetites.

 I let my toddler help even though my floor will be covered with flour.  I hate messes but instead of barking and scolding I take a deep breath. 

I keep breathing. 

I try to remember this day when we made our first apple pie together as a milestone event.  I WILL write this down in her baby journal later when she naps. And that will get added as top priority to my to do list (which means something just got shoved off the list completely). She is getting big and way too fast.  I let her press out the dough and stir in the cinnamon.  I take time to relish how beautiful she is and how tall she is getting. She can reach a lot more things on the counter now so I have to push a few things out of the way ... like the knife we used to cut the apples.  I'm in awe at how much pleasure she is getting from helping me with these simple tasks.  She is so proud of herself as we scoop the cinnamon apples onto the pie plate.

I'm learning to love simple joy and thankful she is my teacher.

I will try and mentally capture this moment for the rest of my life.  My house is a mess.  We skipped toddler play group this morning because I couldn't get out of bed early enough.  Its the middle of the afternoon and we are still in our pajamas. My dog still wants to go for a walk and I have no idea what we are having for dinner. BUT we just made pie together.  And it was a beautiful moment full of laughter and fun.  It was the best part of my day.