{rockstar mom} Kerrie Siegl

 I'm excited to introduce my friend Kerrie Siegl to you all!  Kerrie and I met in college through Greek Intervarsity.  Even though we were in different sororities, different majors, different interests we had one common bond - our Lord, Jesus Christ.  Kerrie and I met a lot of great friends through this program.  She even met her husband there!  Ever since I've known her I've admired her strong faith and constant reliance on Jesus.  I'm sure she'll tell me otherwise but thats how I see her!

I was so thrilled when she said she'd be a guest blogger for rockstar of the month.  She has such an inspiring blog and a talent for words.  Her blog, Waiting for the Sun to Rise is a favorite on my blog roll. I hope you will all check it out. When she shared her "mom moments" with me for this rockstar post I was so in awe of how open and heartfelt it was.  She is relishing all of the little things with new baby K, even the most difficult times.  Where I am quick to lose my temper and patience, Kerrie praises God! She thanks Him and remembers how wonderful and amazing this little life is we hold in our arms.

Having Baby K was such a life journey for me.  I was not sure if I would even have a baby.  I was diagnosed with endometriosis after my freshman year of college and continued to have knife stabbing cramps and pain each month and bouts of anemia.  Before I got married and after another frustrating gynecological doctor visit, I remember breaking down in my bedroom praying God would bless me with a child.  Years went by and I even worked for an adoption agency, so I could come to terms with the fact that I might not be able to get pregnant.  So imagine my surprise when one and half months after my most recent laproscopy  (a surgery through the belly button to burn off abscesses), I had a positive pregnancy test.  I called my doctor who specialized in endo, and his secretary said, "what a miracle, congratulations" as she hung up the phone.  From that moment on, God was not only part of each day of my pregnancy, but I have felt God has been in each and every day since K was born.

I was a huge pregnant lady with an unclear due date.  I remember praying for a very clear sign that I would be in labor.  I thought the due date was February 10th, my doctor felt I was due February 23rd.  On February 1, I went to bed and said aloud, "it would be cool to have the baby tomorrow because the date is 2/2 and that would be easy to remember".  I fell asleep and about the fourth time I got up to go to the bathroom that night, my water broke.  She was born five hours later via C-section.  God very clearly seemed to have all these little moments for me during pregnancy that were just reminders that He was at work.  By the time we got home, I knew I wanted to stay connected to God and our church.  Our small group from church was coming over with food and gifts.  Our pastor and his wife came over and prayed with us.  So by week two, I was ready to get back to church.  Even when I could barely sit the last few weeks of pregnancy in a 90 degree upright chair, I would find peace at church.  Getting back into our community has allowed me to feel like I have family supporting me.  I am not sure if I didn't go to our home church and were connected before coming parents that we would have rushed back, but we are really blessed.

 Something that keeps me connected to God is nightly prayer before bed.  No one really knows I do it, and sometimes I drift off into random thoughts, but since I was a little girl, my grandmother used to pray with me the Catholic bedtime prayer.  In the prayer, we used to list off all the people we could think of to bless them individually.  I've done it ever since, and then have a mental or sometimes (if I am alone) verbal conversation with God about my needs, my hopes, my worship and thanks for blessing.  It's one thing I can commit to.  I can look terrible, have had the worst day, be beyond tired with my eyes closed, but I can feel God in those moments.  Sometimes, I get so into those prayers and conversation with God that I find myself getting energized when I should be settling into sleep.

Another way I have felt connected to God since I had K was while I feed her.  I have Pandora playing a random selection of Adele, Sara Bareilles, and Coldplay.  We rock in the little corner of her bedroom.  I feed her, look down at her tiny fingers and toes.  I stroke her skin, look at her eye lashes, and each little hair on her head.  We stare at each other.  Sometimes she falls asleep, sometimes she gets wiggly.  But when we are rocking like that, I feel overcome with gratitude for God.  People always says, "you don't know what you have until it's gone", but conversely, I feel like I never thought I would have this, and I appreciate it so much more because I had prepared for rain and instead the sun came out and shined.  I thought I would go through miscarriages, adoption, or just end up without my own children.  Instead, within the first two years of my marriage, I have a perfect little girl.  My little princess from heaven.  I just sit there listening to lyrics of love songs.  I am in love.  In love with her, in love with my husband, in love with Jesus, and in love with a life I don't deserve or never earned. 

Some people say it's hard to have a relationship with the Lord in the busy world of "mommywood".  I think God is all around my life, so much so, that it is hard not to see God in my day.  Usually, I have to be more willing to worship in a new way.  Maybe I don't have the time to do an inductive Bible study every day.  I usually don't pick up a Bible.  Today, I held her and watched a religious channel that scrolled scripture to music.  Another day, I watched Joyce Meyer.  Some days, I blast K-Love Radio in my kitchen as I wash bottles.  Other days, its prayer, constant, for patience and energy.  I have a hard time not looking down at her little face and not thinking of how much God has blessed me.  Being a mother is a gift.  So many women can't have children.  So many women take for granted the spit-up, the poopy diapers, the 3 am feedings because they are thinking of how hard being a mom is.  While it is more than hard and definitely the most draining job I have ever done, it is also the biggest blessing bestowed upon women. 

Being a mother and a Christ-follower goes hand-in-hand but our societies expectation of worship and devotion to the Lord is far from fair.  We already have the pressure to look like Barbie, cook like Betty, and clean like Mr. Clean.  How then should we also be Super Nanny and a super Christ follower?  I think the reality of being a Christian needs to be examined.  The Bible has only been in print for two hundred years for the average person.  Most women couldn't read until the 1800's or later.  Why then does it seem that a mother has to have her book of devotions, daily prayer, weekly church attendance and an active role in the church choir before she can be seen as close with the Lord?  I think one thing I am learning as I grow closer and closer to God in the next phase is that God just looks for us to see the gifts we have been given.  Our children, our home, our family, and our health.  Each day that we acknowledge that, we are truly connected with God.  We just have to open our eyes and see Him.

{top and bottom photos by Kerrie Siegel / middle photo by Photography by Katie}